Pants

Lyrics

**Verse 1** I woke up late and tripped on a chair, Got toothpaste somehow all over my hair. My cat stole my sock and ran down the hall, I chased him barefoot and walked into a wall. My cereal exploded, don't ask me how, A pigeon stole my breakfast right off the windowsill somehow. I slipped on a banana that I never even bought, Then my left shoe disappeared like a criminal mastermind plot. **Pre-Chorus** Everything's normal, that's what I said, Right before a lamp landed gently on my head. **Chorus** Oh no! My pants declared independence today! They marched down the street and they ran away! They formed a tiny government beside a lemonade stand, Now they're collecting taxes from a one-legged marching band! My dignity's gone, but the crowd's impressed, A duck just awarded me "Worst Dressed." The mayor's laughing, the squirrels are too, And somehow my pants are polling better than I do! **Verse 2** I tried to ride my bicycle to get my pants back home, But a goat jumped on the handlebars and claimed the bike as his own. A mime challenged me to a wrestling match, I lost in three seconds to an invisible latch. Then a marching tuba chased me through the park, Followed by a choir of dogs that could only bark. I hid inside a bakery, thinking I'd be safe, But got launched through the ceiling by an overexcited cake. **Pre-Chorus** I looked at the sky and shouted, "Why me?" A squirrel yelled back, "Skill issue!" from a tree. **Chorus** Oh no! My pants declared independence today! They marched down the street and they ran away! They formed a tiny government beside a lemonade stand, Now they're collecting taxes from a one-legged marching band! My dignity's gone, but the crowd's impressed, A duck just awarded me "Worst Dressed." The mayor's laughing, the squirrels are too, And somehow my pants are polling better than I do! **Bridge** The pants gave a speech from a shopping cart throne, Saying, "We demand freedom! Also leave us alone!" The crowd went wild, they started to cheer, Even my own belt switched sides that year. A chicken became the Secretary of Dance, A ferret was elected Minister of Pants. The national anthem was kazoo and kazoo, And somehow it sounded pretty good too. **Final Chorus** Oh yes! My pants declared independence today! And honestly things worked out okay. They built a tiny kingdom near a taco truck at dawn, And every Tuesday they invite me to come along. My life's a disaster, but what can you do? A penguin now handles all my interviews. The world makes no sense, but that's alright with me, As long as my underwear doesn't start a monarchy! **Outro** My underwear doesn't start a monarchy... My underwear doesn't start a monarchy... ...breaking news: it has started a monarchy.