Couch Cushion Abyss Anthem

Lights off, I’m hunting, the TV’s just a screen of static,

Remote’s gone walkabout, this isn’t systematic.

Check the coffee table, check the floor, check the shelf,

I’m talking to the walls, I’m scaring my own self.

Cushions going flying like a tactical maneuver,

I’m digging through the darkness, moving like a cruiser.

Found a pen, found a nickel, found a half-eaten snack,

But where’s the clicker, tell me, where the hell’s it at?

Found the crumbs, not the remote! (Yeah!)

Found the crumbs, not the remote! (Go!)

I’m in the abyss, I’m losing the plot!

Found the crumbs, not the remote!

Found the crumbs, not the remote! (Whoo!)

Found the crumbs, not the remote!

Everywhere I look, it’s a chocolate chip trap!

Found the crumbs, not the remote!

Arm deep in the fabric, I can’t see my own hand,

This is a high-stakes mission across a crumb-coated land.

Found a battery casing, is it AA? Is it dead?

I can feel the static rising, it’s all in my head.

Move the ottoman, flip the loveseat, break the cycle,

I’m a domestic explorer, I’m acting all psychical.

Found a lego, found a sock, found the ghost of a chew,

But the remote’s in a bunker, what the hell do I do?

Found the crumbs, not the remote! (Yeah!)

Found the crumbs, not the remote! (Go!)

I’m in the abyss, I’m losing the plot!

Found the crumbs, not the remote!

Found the crumbs, not the remote! (Whoo!)

Found the crumbs, not the remote!

Everywhere I look, it’s a chocolate chip trap!

Found the crumbs, not the remote!

Wait... it’s in my hand.

It was in my hand the whole time.

Get gone.